Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I think my fart just growled at me.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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