i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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