can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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