Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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