Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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