seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
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I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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