Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
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He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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