oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize