So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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