She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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