There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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