yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
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Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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