Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a shit load of segways right now
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize