I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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