My Higher Power is John Stamos
he shaved USA in his pubs
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
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Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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