is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
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I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
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Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
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