I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize