taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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