You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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