Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Less talking, more tequila
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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