so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize