Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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