I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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