The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
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currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
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My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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