I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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