I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have aggressive nipples.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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