I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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