How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize