Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
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I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
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So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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