he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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