She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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