yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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