nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
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If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
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Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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