Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
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bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
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i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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