its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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