im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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