I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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