Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
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He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
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Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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