Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
meet me or not, i'm out of control
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize