I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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