she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
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He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
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I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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