the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
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I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
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Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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