so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
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I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
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I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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