i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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