why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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