My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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