It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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