I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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