OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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