I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize